LOVING A SECOND CHILD

From the moment you find out you are pregnant with number two, you're filled with wonder. I certainly was, constantly wondering how on earth could I love another the way I love Noah. It just didn't feel possible, my heart was so full and he occupied so much of it that I really didn't think there would be room for another. You never have to worry about your love for your children in comparison to the love for your other half, because they're two totally different kinds, but was another arrival going see my halving the love I had to give? I definitely worried.

It's natural isn't it? Please tell me it is. Your children consume your entire life, never mind your heart. Especially your first child, because they're the only one you have all your focus on, they've taught you everything you know so far about parenthood and changed your life in such a monumental way. But what happens when a second comes into the mix? It's incredibly hard to imagine how much someone you've never met will change your lives, what new dynamic will form and how you'll all adjust. But you know what - it just happens. Whilst I was pregnant with Patrick I'd sit and wonder for hours on end how our family would change, it's easy with your first you know there will be a baby and you'll give them your all but with a second you already have a little one that has so much of your attention - I wondered if and how it would work for us all. I'm fortunate, I escaped motherhood with no real baby blues or PND and I'm forever thankful for that so instantly my heart grew the moment I met Patrick, it wasn't a thought process or something that required any actions it happened organically and immediately. As many of you will know, Patrick had a very traumatic and difficult start to his little life and it required so much understanding from Noah, he was able to share us without a second thought which is so huge for someone so little. He truly is the key factor that has made our transition from one to two children, so seamless. I felt a little silly afterwards for worrying all that time, because just as my heart grew for Noah it did so for P and I'm sure it would do it all over again for any other additions to the family.

It was after Patrick was born, I realised your heart isn't divided and your love isn't shared, it's completely individual. If I'm having a day where my toddler is a royal pain, it doesn't mean I'm more in favour of Patrick, and the same goes if P has had the worst nights sleep, I don't feel more inclination to tend to Noah extra that day. It's as if your heart doubles. I have a Patrick heart and a Noah heart, and I don't think anything could ever lessen or grow the love we've got, it's infinite, boundless. If you're sat there, with bump and already a mother, then don't worry as I did, really, don't. Before you had your first child you never knew a love like motherhood and be prepared for those exact steps to occur again, you'll never know a love like mothering siblings. It's different, yet the same.

6 comments :

  1. I was so worried that I couldn't love number 2 as mudmch as I love number 1.

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  2. I was definitely worried when pregnant with my second child. I didn't realise that love grows and was so relieved when I felt that rush of love for her when she was born. No worries with my third!

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  3. I only have one child but it's definitely something I've thought about when considering more.

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  4. Oh this is so true! I was constantly worried when I was pregnant with Parker, as it just didn't seem possible. I LOVE the way you described it as having a separate heart for each though - that's exactly it! xx

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  5. Such a good read, my exact feelings at the moment as we are thinking about no.2 x

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  6. I would love to have a second child and I have been thinking about it a lot of recent and these same thoughts crossed my mind. But As you said your heart expands for your children. x

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