I DO JUDGE


I judge people. I do, I can't help it and I refuse to apologise for it. Judgement in my eyes is an absolutely natural thought process. Judgement is the ability to form an opinion or come to a conclusion. For example if I come to a road - I judge if it's safe to cross. If I see something on offer in a shop, I judge whether it's worth buying. If I see a beautiful garden, I judge the occupants and often wonder what they're like, if gardening is their hobby, their job or they have a gardener. I judge most aspects of life, like I said it's such a natural thought process to me. I find it completely unbelievable and untrue that people are able to tell me that they don't judge. We have television programmes based on judging, I saw half of my Twitter insulting some 'Honey G' to the hills this summer time, we have the likes of Jeremy Kyle which I'm sure we've most definitely all judged people who choose to air their problems on that show. I think the point I am trying to get across is that judging is completely acceptable.


You may be aware quite recently online there was a bit of a stir, I saw firstly saw something that upset me on an Instagram video, it wasn't the first time I'd seen something from this user and I'm sure it wouldn't have been the last. I wont go into too much detail about what I saw, but a child was distressed and had hurt themselves and as a mother of two I found it quite painful and upsetting to watch. I instantly un-followed that person as I just couldn't bare to see anything like it again. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't call childline worthy, but enough to make me feel quite uncomfortable. A few hours later I still felt a little overwhelmed by it, and simply tweeted 'Had to unfollow someone today as their parenting was worrying to me'. (Which it completely was, I'd felt worried enough to message the girl and let her know the video made me feel uncomfortable, in which she herself realised how bad it looked and removed it.) A perfectly acceptable thing to say on my own social media. You would think. Wrong. I instantly received a message off someone else, who I had un-followed on Twitter - a completely separate social platform. Now, may I just point out this wasn't a 'Emily, was that about me? Have I upset you?' kind of message, no, no, the words in this message are way to explicit for my blog but it was quite obvious she had assumed my tweet was directed to her, she thought, I was judging her. So off she went on a tangent about judging - whilst roping a few other friends in for the ride. What I firstly found almost laughable but definitely highly hypocritical when I later saw the 'No one should judge anyones parenting' tweet floating around, aimed firmly in my direction - was that the exact thing I was being criticised for 'judging', was exactly what they were all doing to me. Judging what I wrote on my social media, but worse because she had then jumped to huge conclusions and responded in an extremely anti-social way. But I guess that kind of judging was ok? It's only not ok, when you think it is you that is being judged?

I shall not taint my blog with the other two paragraphs of abuse but you get the memo

It all got a bit ridiculous with almost all of the girls involved apologising throughout the next day - which again made me form judgements, although nicer judgements. I had a little vent on my Instagram, to which I was overwhelmed by the amount of you who agreed. I do judge, and when it comes to Children who I feel are hurt or exploited for the sake of a laugh, I will judge and I will always say something. The same as if I was in a park and saw a child falling from a swing being filmed, not rushed to be helped and consoled, no, being filmed by their parents - I would speak out and I would most certainly form a judgement which would be 'That is not ok'. And I would hope that nobody I know would sit back and just decide to mind their own business, because you can look at both sides of the spectrum, it could be an honest blip in parenting and a little mishap, so what you speak up and they feel a little sheepish or give you a mouthful. You haven't really lost anything. But what if this isn't a mishap, what if this is one sequence in a chain of events that is daily for a child, a child that can't speak up and can't ask for help, a child that relies on adults who witness the behaviour to speak out. I put myself in a position and imagine that was my child without me, someone else taking the video of my child hurting, if I wasn't able to speak out I would hope that someone out there would. Far too often in society we see people all turning away and thinking it's someone else who needs to deal with it - not ok. If you're wrong about something who cares, apologise and be humble but what if you're right?

There are always certain aspects when you know to keep your judgements to yourself, like I said I do naturally judge every day - good old Jeremy Kyle, of COURSE I form judgements and opinions of the people on there. Almost daily I think he asks the audience 'Do you think he's failed the lie detector test' and some raise their hands, some don't (I hope the format hasn't changed - it's been a while) they are ALL judging and forming opinions when they raise their hand. It's what you choose to do with those judgements that defines if you're a decent human or not. For me, I chose to message the individual politely and a few hours later send a very incognito tweet about it as it still bothered me. Which was another laughing matter of the whole 'scandal' that ensued, it was pointed out that it was wrong to indirectly tweet - so naming and shaming is better? I think not. Some may say I shouldn't have said anything at all, but just as thousands (including the girl who sent me the abuse herself) have spoke out in the past on social media 'Look at the state of these on JK this morning', I am entitled to say my thoughts too. We can't have a one law for one and not another situation here. I feel what I did with my judgements was acceptable and didn't hurt anyone. I cannot be accountable for someone assuming something is about them, If I had chose to take my judgement and message the video maker herself, sending her a stream of abuse about her parenting skills (MUCH like the message I received, I know, they hypocrisy) - that would make me a horrible person. But I didn't.

For me, judging is ok and always will be. We all make judgements and have thought's in our head, sometimes we say them aloud and sometimes we keep them in, I feel judging doesn't make you a bad person, in fact it's absolutely no reflection on you as a person at all. What is a reflection and does make a difference, is how you choose to act upon those judgements. I can think puree weaning, or co-sleeping isn't for me and form judgements, but it doesn't necessarily mean I think the other parent is wrong, it's just may be something I think 'Gosh, I'd not do that' and then thought I keep in my own head. I wouldn't feel the need to go and give them a piece of my mind.  My really good friend, and amazing blogger Amy recently wrote a post on the Misconception of Judging in which she talks about the difference between judging someone and expressing concern - it's an absolute must read and by far my favourite post this year.

8 comments

  1. I am guilty of judging too. I don't mean too though! I don't know what the video was or anything so I can't comment on that - just making a general comment!

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  2. I think you are right everyone can judge and can be quick to make snap decisions about someone, how ever I don't agree with those who keep those judgements based on just one thing they've seen. You may think initially gosh thats awful but really one tweet/photo/video isn't a full representation of somone's capabilities as a parent. You should never be verbally attacked for expressing your opinions though totally in your right to say what you think!

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  3. You are totally right, we all judge! I think it's totally natural, and unless you're doing it nastily, then I don't see the problem. I think I missed all the drama, but I hope it's all sorted now xx

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  4. Judging is natural as you say. It's hard not to judge people and I think it's perfectly fine for you to follow whoever you want to, it's your choice!! x

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  5. We all do it, its human nature, sometimes it honestly not out of spite, but you are allowed to form your on opinion on something or a situation you are faced with. X

    Lindsey
    www.londonmumma.com

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  6. I can't comment on the particular situation you have referred to as I don't know anything about it besides what you have mentioned above, and while I agree that probably everyone is guilty of passing judgement at times - I think it's probably more the way it is done. I think I have reached an age now where I keep most things to myself to save the headache haha

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  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  8. So true, we all do it to some extent, thanks for sharing my post too!

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