BEING A YOUNG MUM


Being a young mum is never something that is talked about highly, it's almost hushed down as if you should automatically be ashamed that a baby didn't come after 'more important' things that society deem you need to have first. It's ridiculous, of course that I can see now. It still doesn't stop the frowns, tuts and stares I often get as a mother of two at 24 years old. I think people automatically place you into a stereotyped category, they're thinking 'reckless, jobless and single' It sounds extreme but it's how I've been made to feel on several occasions. I don't get chance to explain that actually we have a home, both me and John work full time and we've been together for seven years. I know quite a lot of these thoughts may be in my head or me over thinking, but I can't help thinking that as soon as you become what society deems a 'young mum', you are on the back foot. Having to defend yourself and prove yourself to strangers, health professionals and even those around you.

I am generally a bit fed up of worrying what others are going to think about my family life, when I go out with two children. Do I put make-up on, or will people think 'god her priorities are all wrong', do I leave it and head out bare faced, or face judgemental looks that I don't look put together enough. Should I tell my toddler off if he's naughty in public, does that make me look like I can't cope, or will letting him run free seem as though I don't have any control over my rumbustious child? It's a huge game of trying to prove people wrong, which is ludicrous, completely, but I can't help it. When I had given birth to Noah and visited the doctors for my six week check, I brought my Mum along for some support and to generally help out in case Noah needed a feed or kicked up a fuss, she was there to be hands on. John was at work and she offered. Of course though, as I could instantly tell by her tone, to an older doctor we saw, I seemed like another young single Mum statistic, I remember distinctly of her not approving the way I re-dressed Noah on the bed after she'd examined him, even telling me to support his head at once stage. I felt like I wasn't being examined on my recovery, I was being examined on my ability to parent and that felt awful. Who cares if just say I had of been a single mum, if I didn't have a job or even a home - why would that give anyone the right to treat me differently to someone else?



Another aspect of being a young mother that drives me crazy, is the assumption that you've missed out on life, that you are missing experiences and haven't got to 'enjoy your youth'  Of course there are things I find tough, seeing everyone else my age, friends from University going out, travelling, enjoying having no strings attached to their lives. But I don't feel burdened, not for one single moment. These boys are my absolute world and I feel so completely privileged and blessed to get to experience them in my life for as long as possible. I am still enjoying my youth, but I'm doing it with two smalls by my side (and you too sorry John) and quite frankly there isn't anybody else in this world I would rather do that with. I'm not missing experiences, I'm experiencing some of the best moments of my life. When people in the last years on earth think of the happiest times of their lives, I can't imagine it being an 18-30 trip to Malaga, or being out every weekend till they were 25. No, I envision it to be the births of their children, grandchildren and special occasions spent with those people - I get all of that now, I don't have to wait and I'm so thankful about that. People often say you give up a lot when you become a parent but I like to think that I gained far more than I've ever given up.

23 comments :

  1. I get what you mean. I had my first at 19 and my other at 24. I didn't feel like I missed out on much. I was never a party animal and much preferred my settled life.

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  2. I am sure your kids are as beautiful as you are. I know the stigma associated with some young moms and I am sure it couldn't be a nice thing. It is not anyone else's business to say at what age you should start a family. We are all different beings and your priority in life may not be someone else's. Once the people that matter, loves you regardless it shouldn't matter who else doesn't approve. Keep your head up. Life goes on.

    www.travelbeautyblog.com

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  3. You do give up a lot when you become a parent but that happens regardless of how old you are. I had my 1st at 24 and didn't care less what others thought. I'd spent time in the military and just had different priorities then to tour the world. That never crossed my mind. Now 4 kids later. I can't wait till they grow up so I can tour the world or at least the next state over.

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  4. I'm sure this is easier said than done, but you don't owe anyone any explanations. Don't give "those people" any power, they don't deserve it!

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  5. Being a mom is the best thing that can ever happened to anyone. You give up a lot but you gain something that you can just pick up anywhere. You gained a lifetime treasure. Ignore what people thinks about you. Remember a lot of people like to put their nose to other people business instead of paying attention on worrying to their on life.

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  6. Love this post. I was 26 when I had Henry, but would have been 24 if my first pregnancy had lasted. I think I would have risen to the challenge, though I do feel more comfortable now, so I have huge respect for young mums. Age does not define how well you mother your children.

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  7. It baffles me that there is a stereotype towards young mums, especially as way back it was the norm to have children younger! I would have told that doctor to mind her own business :-)

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  8. Sometimes I feel envious to young Moms. You see, you can hangout with your kid and be together just like sisters! Sometimes I asked myself, "what if".. but i have no regrets not having a baby yet. Am in my 30sh and still waiting.

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  9. Lovely post! I was a 'young' mum too - I had Cameron at 21 and I was single and still at uni so jobless as well which wasn't ideal. Totally get what you're saying about feeling I have to prove myself to people for being young (now 27 with 3 kids) xx

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  10. I resonate with this post so much - being 21, I'm at the stage where my friends are all booking the 4 month traveling 'holidays' we've done for the past years, leaving jobs to do so and all but bankrupting themselves. I have a serious case of FOMO, sure, but at the end of the summer, they'll have nights they can't remember and an empty bank account, whereas I'll have a family, a life, an amazing little boy and memories to last a lifetime to show for it. I'm not missing out on my life, I'm starting my real life a few years early.

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  11. You've put this perfectly l! I always feel as if I had to defend myself. And you know what? I have nothing to defend! I'm happily married, and my children are thriving which is more than some people waaaay older xx

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  12. Aw I hate that you and probably many other young mums feel his way. You have a gorgeous family and nobody can ever take that away from you. Age doesn't defy if you're a good mum and people need to stop assuming having a family can't be a choice! X

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  13. Everyone has the right to choose what will be his life, to be young mother is so brave and it is your choice not on the other people and to be young mother doesn't mean to be bad mother!!.You have adorable kids :)

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  14. I think women should support each other no matter when they have their children. As long as you are a good mom that is what counts.

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  15. It hard being a young mom. I was one. My 22 year old daughter had a baby in 2015. I try to be very supportive of her parenting decisions. I don't give any advice unless she asks for it. I want her to know she is capable of making good decisions when it comes to being a Mom. She is doing great and I love her confidence.

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  16. I believe that being young/old mom has both it pros and cons! It is an individual choice. Therefore one shouldn't care about the society!

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  17. I understand the feeling and I am not a mom as yet. I hope I don't have to go through that stage of life whenever I decide to make a baby. Just do you and forget about society.

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  18. I just turned 40 and I have a 6 and 4 year old. My sis in law is 19 and has a 1 year old. Personally for me I wasn't ready at that age to be a mom. Mostly I look back at the crazy guys I hung out with then and none of them were even close to being good dads at that age and none of them were THAT into me anyway.

    Don't worry about other people. If your baby has a roof over their head, clothes on their back and food in their tummy you're doing pretty good. Anything above and beyond that is great!!!

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  19. I understand it. It is always great to have the kid, once we are ready. That way we will have emotional maturity to handle the responsibilities.

    Nisha
    www.learn2livefully.com

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  20. What a judgmental doctor you had! I don't really consider myself as a young mum, having had Alfie at 26, but I did get comments about being very young, even though I'd been married for 2 years and with my husband for 8 years when we had Alfie, so obviously a very stable family. Age doesn't matter!

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  21. I think that me being an introvert, it wouldn't have matter what age I had a child because I enjoy the home life and just being away from the party life. I do not have any children but even if I did now at 24, I feel like my life would be even more special. You are an awesome mom & you didnt miss out on anything having children now.

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  22. I give all of you young moms props!!!! I was 30 when I had my daughter and I still felt like I was almost too
    Young to have a kid lol... we all do learn as we go though! I don't think there is a "right" age.

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  23. Love this Em! Who cares what anyone else thinks. You're a wonderful mum to your boys xo

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