Something I didn't really learn with my first pregnancy, was that you look back on it with a big old pair of rose tinted glasses. You see others pregnant, glowing, earthy, and you feel broody for your bump. You quickly forget how that was you, and in actual fact, it's just filters, good lighting and a fake smile hiding the aches and pains. So second time around I wasn't making that mistake, I wrote myself a miniature journal whilst I was pregnant - for postpartum me, and whenever I feel that bump broodiness come on, I give it a read or two and remind myself what pregnancy was really like. It also probably helps that my second pregnancy was hell on earth compared to my first. I didn't write in it every day, just once a month to remind myself the realities of pregnancy, when I wasn't any more. (C is Cheese)
(November 5th) I'm sat here writing this, at eight weeks pregnant feeling seriously down, I haven't stepped inside the kitchen for two days, I can't even bare the thought of doing so, or opening the fridge and maybe even getting a sniff of something that I don't want to. Even the whole idea of this is making me heave. Today someone had C on their lunch, is it ridiculous I can't even write the word? But just seeing it on their plate made me vomit, twice. What on earth is going on with me this time?
(December 8th) A bleed meant Noahs birthday plans have been cancelled. Bed rest till our early scan. Maybe this will be my last entry?
(January 1st) A lovely trip to Ikea. Not. Emily just remember you ate nothing for 48 hours, managed an Ikea hotdog and then saw it again on the way home, mixed with stomach acid and god knows what else. Thank god the bowl in the car has become a staple. Sorry to the guy who's car it may have splashed on, but I had to empty it out of the window because it was filling up fast. When will this end? Thank god I've now been prescribed some tablets to hopefully help it all ease up, wish I'd gone sooner now.
(February 15th) Oh you pesky little boy. What on earth are you doing to me. Sporadic sickness is now the thing, still can't deal with C, potatoes are almost as bad but I can manage to speak their word. I'm managing to feel more comfortable in the kitchen again, but jesus christ Johns breath is horrendous, is that pregnancy related though?
(April 25th) Movements are so painful sometimes, so apparently wetting myself is standard too. Visiting triage thinking it was my waters is just embarrassing, and having to see the same doctor I had with Noah wasn't nice either as quite frankly she was a cow. I'm confused why I haven't started to glow yet and the tiredness is on another level, how can I be getting 12 hours sleep yet wake up exhausted, come on baby this is not fun anymore.
(May 10th) Work is done and thank god, running around after children when you're cooking a heffa isn't good. The itching is beyond something else but noone seems to take it seriously, I'm looking at my legs and feet which are scabbed from me tearing through my skin. What that actual fuck is going on?
(June 2nd) Okay so my waters did go, I'll be seeing you soon baby, no wonders you hurt when you move because nothings cushioning me anymore. God I hope you're okay.